More views of - or before - Cambridge Film Festival 2019 (17 to 24 October)
(Click here to go directly to the Festival web-site)
4 February
No, I *didn't* ask if you have a delicate arse !
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) October 25, 2024
I was referring to your lanyard and enquiring if it was a delegate's pass...#Homophones
'Yes, but how did you *know* that this is where the trainee priest would be hiding, Holmes ?'
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) October 14, 2024
'It's a seminary, dear Watson.'#Homophones
Soon after, another customer received a deft couple of whacks on the back with a hard-wood tray - apparently, for having asked for a tea-cake.#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) September 26, 2024
'And we're now in sunny Torquay, wondering what Basil Fawlty, celebrated local hôtelier, can tell us about the crisis concerning the cost of linen...'#Homophones pic.twitter.com/KXv4bvKKk0
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) September 25, 2024
#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) September 1, 2024
2 / 2
Doing things with bread :
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) August 22, 2024
Buttering pieces of bread and putting something between them* is attributed to the Earl of Sandwich, so does Towcester lay claim to the device for grilling them ?
* Perhaps to eat on horseback.#Homophones
'No - honestly, no ! - it's *not* Tequila Mocking-Bird !
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) July 24, 2024
'Final !'#Homophones
Liv never had understood the phrase 'This time it's Percival'... ;)#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) July 6, 2024
'Theresa May and former chairman of the 1922 committee, Sir Graham Brady, have been given peerages in the dissolution honours-list' :
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) July 4, 2024
Not only does 'dissolution' have another apt meaning, but it also sounds quite like 'disillusion'... ;)https://t.co/icEdssRFfw#Homophones
'Sorry that I mist York Hall !'#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) June 25, 2024
https://t.co/Mp5QiY8IOY
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) June 17, 2024
C : Me... I'd say that it's a Watery Fowls Symphony on @BBCRadio3 just now.
A : Er, eh... ? ! ?
C : You know - one by Sibyl's Alias !
A : Aargh ! *Why* do I talk to you ! ?#Homophones pic.twitter.com/BUinB5YgtK
A : So, crunchy-neck cornflakes were never a thing, then... ?
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) June 13, 2024
C : No... There was a product with a similar name—
A : But they *should* have been, shouldn't they... ?
C : Uh... maybe ?
A : As part of 'Here's a breakfast-cereal for every known ill'... !#Homophones
Am I great -
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) May 15, 2024
Or e-birds greater ?#Homophones
A : But, as they say, mud is thicker than Chaucer !
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) May 13, 2024
C : ? !
(Sotto voce.) *This* again... ?#Homophones
The Elphicke in The Room is that this yet another crap leadership decision - as is this whole British exceptionalism drivel to which Sir K.'s also effectively tied his party... :(
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) May 9, 2024
BX is BS#Homophones pic.twitter.com/7DJqHJoKxb
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) May 8, 2024
'No, I *didn't* offer you "Darren's insalata" and some warmed "piffle"...#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) April 22, 2024
'Of course, this isn't my real name, y'know ?'
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) April 21, 2024
'Oh it's not ? Well, what *is* your real name, then ?'
'It's Scrap - Miss Hidea Scrap !'
'Well, I doubt that anyone does... !'#LizzyBoots#Homophones
A : Well, as they say, Pride comes before offal.
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) April 1, 2024
C : Not in my dictionary, it doesn't - and anyway that's just tripe !#Homophones
A : A second Viennese whirl for you, vicar ?
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) March 24, 2024
C : Sadly, no, thank you. After Verklärte Nacht, Wozzeck and Langsamer Satz, the PCC told me to stop...
A : ? !#Homophones
Barrrreeeee - your sour deans are gettin' cold, again !
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) March 23, 2024
Tenuous #Homophones Part 37b
Also, the premise for Faith's character being called what he was ever seemed flimsy - could we not as easily imagine 'Budgie' being the result of subjecting 'Bad Guy' to sound-shift rules à la Grimm ? ;)
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) March 21, 2024
Tenuous #Homophones
Gonna join Albert's Quair ?#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) January 17, 2024
2 / 2
The old 'what one thought someone asked for' game ? :
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) January 17, 2024
At a newsagent's, hearing that the previous customer said 'Oh, and a quarter of pear-drops, too', the ai-device wrongly gathered the curiously tear- (rather than pear- ?) shaped red or yellow sweets to be manna !#Homophones
Tuba honest, that one may not be v. noteworthy... ? ;)#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) January 4, 2024
'Yes, I've heard of Mrs Dalloway... ?
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) September 21, 2023
'Isn't that one of those cream-of-strontium novels ?'#Homophones#Spoonerisms
'Sorry, sir, but no - we won't be visiting the Rhine.
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) September 5, 2023
'I assume that you didn't have read carefully enough before you booked, because this tour is called The Slime Maidens.'#Homophones
If only he did have just 'one support'...#Homophones pic.twitter.com/Kdd6NcP1Ni
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) August 8, 2023
Prosecutor : And you say, Mr Tree, that you knew that you were entitled to carry out dental work - despite having no training or qualifications - because it was your parents' wishes ?
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) July 20, 2023
Tree : Yes, that's right - why else would they have named me Dennis Tree ?#Homophones
For Dick, whose wit was in his tongue, was promised being three times Lord Mayor of London.
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) July 13, 2023
No such assurances are extended to Nadine who spouts bollocks.#Homophones
Lecturer : Now that we've finished a brief survey of British cinema, does anyone want to give an example of the features of a genre ?
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) July 11, 2023
David : Yes, I will. The defining charcteristic of a kneeling comedy is that one's earnestly praying that it will soon be over !#Homophones
C : Er, your name's Norman Debris... ?
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) July 8, 2023
A : No, like eating it.
C : ? !#Homophones
'No, you're right - as far as I know, too, neither the director, nor the actor of the same name, was in Alcatraz...'#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) July 7, 2023
With their up-sales of wheel alignment (and so forth), Tyre & Exhaust Centres comprehensively wear you - if not your tread - down !#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) June 25, 2023
Even if - however crudely - attempting to do so politely, asking poultry to grab a lady's shawl is still an offence against civility
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) June 25, 2023
'Chicken Caesar wrap, please !'
So is a fowl, illicitly watching Deborah Harry perform 'Rapture' (or just preparing for Christmas) !#Homophones
Wholly Holy Friday#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) April 7, 2023
Unless it was written to celebrate some very good exam results, surely '4As Pavane' would be 'Paavaane'... ?https://t.co/NDNyY00AVq#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) June 14, 2023
That bit in the film where the passenger in a hurry suddenly asks the cab-driver to pull over and wait... :
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) June 13, 2023
Why do they always talk about this guy called Demeter, and how would *that* keep him running anyway ?#MisunderstandingFilmTropes#Homophones
'Headache ?
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) June 9, 2022
'Tense, nervous headache ?
'Nothing works faster than Anne Boleyn !'#Homophones
Eliza : I've got an ocean what I'll do...
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) February 28, 2023
Just you wait, 'Enry 'Iggins !#Homophones
Me : Hi, Tim ! I've researched the costings that you wanted.
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) February 13, 2021
Tim : Oh, good. Tell me more !
Me : Well, they're not cheap, but - for this sort of client - spending a little more on a bear-park―
Tim : Sorry, did you say 'bear-park' ?
Me : Yes, the bear-park figures...
C : We're all goin' to the zoo, to-day - zoo, to-day ?
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) October 26, 2021
A : Regent's Park ? Linton ?
C : Whipsnade.
A : (Resists saying 'Oh, painful !') Banham, I say, Banham !#Homophones
I used to turn on, expecting to see John Noakes, Valerie Singleton and Peter Purves eating bloops, but it rarely happened...https://t.co/FhK3brrsQO
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) May 17, 2023
The opening shot, with the see-saw, is bizarre !#Homophones
'Sorry to do this, but I can't make it, after all - I've got cart-rubble !'#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) February 23, 2021
C : Why are you not concerned that your curry seems to be waving its arms around and shouting ?
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) June 9, 2023
A : Well, it's really not important, you know, just a chicken cormorant.#Homophones
'My name isn't Chris, but, if I started a band, I'd call it Christopher and The Mums'#FlowerPower #Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) June 8, 2022
'Sit Adele on a high hill'#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) April 24, 2021
She's hardly started, and many people - rightly - already wish that she'd take a Coffey break.#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) September 16, 2022
'Let's all go on a date-rip to the coast !'#ModsAndRockers#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) April 25, 2021
Julie added to 'More #Homophones (or near-misses) than in a PayPal Bull !' :https://t.co/dXlNJ1qDs2#Homophones https://t.co/BksfVUanyx
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) October 25, 2021
We were told that 'the package' came with freak election, so people should be more careful what they wish for... :https://t.co/OrHPWPwrYe#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) May 23, 2022
Rochester : Ah... I believe that the noise that you heard would probably have been made by Grey Spool...
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) January 24, 2023
Eyre : What is this : Mission Impossible meets Krapp's Last Tape ?https://t.co/9VV4QQMBss#Homophones
'What sort of name is Grace Poole ?
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) July 3, 2022
'It sounds like something out of Krapp's Last Tape !'#Homophones
The Grey Twos#Homophones https://t.co/ORIPdtd4WW
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) April 4, 2021
In Trigonometry Corner :
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) February 22, 2021
'Here's looking at Euclid !'#Homophones
If - even from context - someone can't determine which of these you're saying, your voice could replace those automated announcements on train-services :
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) May 23, 2023
'Hi, Dan !'
'Hide, Anne !'#Homophones
* Two centuries before The Truman Show (1998). pic.twitter.com/zYDggQT1ks
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) June 2, 2022
Of course, of course, if you know of The Medusa Frequency (and a guy called Hermann Orff, sitting at his computer), it's all a bit not only 'Wakey-wakey, Neo !' from the dream of one's life, but also (though not an olive tree, but Nanoak*) rather Persephone, etc.
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) November 3, 2021
* #Homophones https://t.co/YybROsAytI
'Yes, but I still think that a better name for the band would have been Manic Sea Creatures...'#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) June 8, 2022
Z : See, that infection that you've got is, as always, caused by microbes !
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) November 29, 2023
A : Yeah, but *who is* this Mr Robes - in the circumstances, I'm not going to demean myself and use a more familiar name ! - and what's he got to do with it ?#Homophones
'Oh, I study micro-plastics.'
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) December 12, 2021
'Funny name for a crow...'
'?'
'But maybe Plastics is malleable - bendy, rather than brittle ?'
'? ! ?'#Homophones
Apparently, this dish needs my crow, waving... ?#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) December 11, 2021
D'you wanna mint spy ?
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) December 23, 2022
Nah, and Burgess told me off for using that brand of toothpaste...#Homophones
Without attempting a photograph :
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) September 17, 2021
The brightness of The Moon ! :)#MissSelene#Homophones#OneLovelyThingToDay
Who can easily forget John Steinbeck's tale of German porcelain-makers ? :
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) May 5, 2023
Of Meissen Men#Homophones
'What d'you mean by asking for the secret of mice excess ?
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) March 2, 2023
'I'm this country's leading novelist, not an underwriter for rodents !'#Homophones
'Oh, are you yawning, again ?
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) June 17, 2022
'I always bore you, Gnome Alice...'#Homophones
'(Hesitantly.) Hello ? (Pause. More volume.) I'm here with the leaflets !'
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) September 16, 2021
'(Appearing.) Excellent news - Pam Flett told me to expect you ! You must be Tom.'
'Yes, I would be - but, in the event, Tom couldn't make it. I'm Dick.'#Homophones
A : How can you be so sure that eBay approves of you ?
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) February 5, 2021
C : Oh, I got a PayPal blessing...#Homophones
C : I catch you, going through my things, and you were laughing, singing to yourself and dancing around - what's going on ?
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) January 17, 2023
A : Well, it's just that pry merrily is something that you're always saying !#Homophones
C : On what basis, then, do you care to suggest that 'My Way' isn't about someone with a secret penchant for boulangerie ?
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) August 6, 2022
A : Sorry... ? !
C : You know ! Those lines 'Baguettes, I've had a few. But, then again, too few to mention' ?#Homophones
Rose Ate A Stone#DoctorWho#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) September 10, 2022
And sautéed bed ! ~ Tracey Pepys, gourmand manquée#AllABitOurFriendsInTheNorth#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) November 1, 2021
Well, it had to be...
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) December 9, 2021
Unless Sibelius had a brother who ghost-wrote some of his compositions - a sort of Sib alias ? ;)#Homophones
The home-page at https://t.co/cmWvxfPtVz says 'Crypto with PayPal is here' :
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) September 22, 2021
Crypto through the tulips, anyone ? ;)#Homophones
Turkey doubt is very far from being an unreasonable suspicion to entertain ! ;)#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) December 30, 2021
C : (Frustrated and apologetic.) Ach, I'm so sorry - I've done it *again* !
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) October 25, 2021
A : Never mind - we've all done that.
C : (Confused.) Weevil... ?#Homophones
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Unless stated otherwise, all films reviewed were screened at Festival Central (Arts Picturehouse, Cambridge)
