Unofficial Cambridge Film Festival [#UCFF]: #Homophones

More #Homophones (or near-misses) than in a PayPal Bull ! (An accreting collection)

More views of - or before - Cambridge Film Festival 2019 (17 to 24 October)
(Click here to go directly to the Festival web-site)

4 February

More #Homophones (or near-misses) than in a PayPal Bull ! (An accreting collection)

No, I *didn't* ask if you have a delicate arse !

I was referring to your lanyard and enquiring if it was a delegate's pass...#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) October 25, 2024

'Yes, but how did you *know* that this is where the trainee priest would be hiding, Holmes ?'

'It's a seminary, dear Watson.'#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) October 14, 2024

Soon after, another customer received a deft couple of whacks on the back with a hard-wood tray - apparently, for having asked for a tea-cake.#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) September 26, 2024

'And we're now in sunny Torquay, wondering what Basil Fawlty, celebrated local hôtelier, can tell us about the crisis concerning the cost of linen...'#Homophones pic.twitter.com/KXv4bvKKk0
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) September 25, 2024

#Homophones

2 / 2
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) September 1, 2024

Doing things with bread :

Buttering pieces of bread and putting something between them* is attributed to the Earl of Sandwich, so does Towcester lay claim to the device for grilling them ?

* Perhaps to eat on horseback.#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) August 22, 2024

'No - honestly, no ! - it's *not* Tequila Mocking-Bird !

'Final !'#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) July 24, 2024

Liv never had understood the phrase 'This time it's Percival'... ;)#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) July 6, 2024

'Theresa May and former chairman of the 1922 committee, Sir Graham Brady, have been given peerages in the dissolution honours-list' :

Not only does 'dissolution' have another apt meaning, but it also sounds quite like 'disillusion'... ;)https://t.co/icEdssRFfw #Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) July 4, 2024

'Sorry that I mist York Hall !'#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) June 25, 2024

https://t.co/Mp5QiY8IOY

C : Me... I'd say that it's a Watery Fowls Symphony on @BBCRadio3 just now.

A : Er, eh... ? ! ?

C : You know - one by Sibyl's Alias !

A : Aargh ! *Why* do I talk to you ! ?#Homophones pic.twitter.com/BUinB5YgtK
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) June 17, 2024

A : So, crunchy-neck cornflakes were never a thing, then... ?

C : No... There was a product with a similar name—

A : But they *should* have been, shouldn't they... ?

C : Uh... maybe ?

A : As part of 'Here's a breakfast-cereal for every known ill'... !#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) June 13, 2024

Am I great -
Or e-birds greater ?#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) May 15, 2024

A : But, as they say, mud is thicker than Chaucer !

C : ? !

(Sotto voce.) *This* again... ?#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) May 13, 2024

The Elphicke in The Room is that this yet another crap leadership decision - as is this whole British exceptionalism drivel to which Sir K.'s also effectively tied his party... :(

BX is BS#Homophones pic.twitter.com/7DJqHJoKxb
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) May 9, 2024

#LawOfTorts #Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) May 8, 2024

'No, I *didn't* offer you "Darren's insalata" and some warmed "piffle"...#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) April 22, 2024

'Of course, this isn't my real name, y'know ?'

'Oh it's not ? Well, what *is* your real name, then ?'

'It's Scrap - Miss Hidea Scrap !'

'Well, I doubt that anyone does... !'#LizzyBoots #Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) April 21, 2024

A : Well, as they say, Pride comes before offal.

C : Not in my dictionary, it doesn't - and anyway that's just tripe !#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) April 1, 2024

A : A second Viennese whirl for you, vicar ?

C : Sadly, no, thank you. After Verklärte Nacht, Wozzeck and Langsamer Satz, the PCC told me to stop...

A : ? !#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) March 24, 2024

Barrrreeeee - your sour deans are gettin' cold, again !

Tenuous #Homophones Part 37b
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) March 23, 2024

Also, the premise for Faith's character being called what he was ever seemed flimsy - could we not as easily imagine 'Budgie' being the result of subjecting 'Bad Guy' to sound-shift rules à la Grimm ? ;)

Tenuous #Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) March 21, 2024

Gonna join Albert's Quair ?#Homophones

2 / 2
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) January 17, 2024

The old 'what one thought someone asked for' game ? :

At a newsagent's, hearing that the previous customer said 'Oh, and a quarter of pear-drops, too', the ai-device wrongly gathered the curiously tear- (rather than pear- ?) shaped red or yellow sweets to be manna !#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) January 17, 2024

Tuba honest, that one may not be v. noteworthy... ? ;)#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) January 4, 2024

'Yes, I've heard of Mrs Dalloway... ?

'Isn't that one of those cream-of-strontium novels ?'#Homophones #Spoonerisms
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) September 21, 2023

'Sorry, sir, but no - we won't be visiting the Rhine.

'I assume that you didn't have read carefully enough before you booked, because this tour is called The Slime Maidens.'#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) September 5, 2023

If only he did have just 'one support'...#Homophones pic.twitter.com/Kdd6NcP1Ni
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) August 8, 2023

Prosecutor : And you say, Mr Tree, that you knew that you were entitled to carry out dental work - despite having no training or qualifications - because it was your parents' wishes ?

Tree : Yes, that's right - why else would they have named me Dennis Tree ?#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) July 20, 2023

For Dick, whose wit was in his tongue, was promised being three times Lord Mayor of London.

No such assurances are extended to Nadine who spouts bollocks.#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) July 13, 2023

Lecturer : Now that we've finished a brief survey of British cinema, does anyone want to give an example of the features of a genre ?

David : Yes, I will. The defining charcteristic of a kneeling comedy is that one's earnestly praying that it will soon be over !#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) July 11, 2023

C : Er, your name's Norman Debris... ?

A : No, like eating it.

C : ? !#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) July 8, 2023

'No, you're right - as far as I know, too, neither the director, nor the actor of the same name, was in Alcatraz...'#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) July 7, 2023

With their up-sales of wheel alignment (and so forth), Tyre & Exhaust Centres comprehensively wear you - if not your tread - down !#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) June 25, 2023

Even if - however crudely - attempting to do so politely, asking poultry to grab a lady's shawl is still an offence against civility

'Chicken Caesar wrap, please !'

So is a fowl, illicitly watching Deborah Harry perform 'Rapture' (or just preparing for Christmas) !#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) June 25, 2023

Wholly Holy Friday#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) April 7, 2023

Unless it was written to celebrate some very good exam results, surely '4As Pavane' would be 'Paavaane'... ?https://t.co/NDNyY00AVq #Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) June 14, 2023

That bit in the film where the passenger in a hurry suddenly asks the cab-driver to pull over and wait... :

Why do they always talk about this guy called Demeter, and how would *that* keep him running anyway ?#MisunderstandingFilmTropes #Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) June 13, 2023

'Headache ?

'Tense, nervous headache ?

'Nothing works faster than Anne Boleyn !'#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) June 9, 2022

Eliza : I've got an ocean what I'll do...

Just you wait, 'Enry 'Iggins !#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) February 28, 2023

Me : Hi, Tim ! I've researched the costings that you wanted.

Tim : Oh, good. Tell me more !

Me : Well, they're not cheap, but - for this sort of client - spending a little more on a bear-park―

Tim : Sorry, did you say 'bear-park' ?

Me : Yes, the bear-park figures...
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) February 13, 2021

C : We're all goin' to the zoo, to-day - zoo, to-day ?

A : Regent's Park ? Linton ?

C : Whipsnade.

A : (Resists saying 'Oh, painful !') Banham, I say, Banham !#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) October 26, 2021

I used to turn on, expecting to see John Noakes, Valerie Singleton and Peter Purves eating bloops, but it rarely happened...https://t.co/FhK3brrsQO

The opening shot, with the see-saw, is bizarre !#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) May 17, 2023

'Sorry to do this, but I can't make it, after all - I've got cart-rubble !'#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) February 23, 2021

C : Why are you not concerned that your curry seems to be waving its arms around and shouting ?

A : Well, it's really not important, you know, just a chicken cormorant.#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) June 9, 2023

'My name isn't Chris, but, if I started a band, I'd call it Christopher and The Mums'#FlowerPower #Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) June 8, 2022

'Sit Adele on a high hill'#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) April 24, 2021

She's hardly started, and many people - rightly - already wish that she'd take a Coffey break.#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) September 16, 2022

'Let's all go on a date-rip to the coast !'#ModsAndRockers #Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) April 25, 2021

Julie added to 'More #Homophones (or near-misses) than in a PayPal Bull !' :https://t.co/dXlNJ1qDs2 #Homophones https://t.co/BksfVUanyx
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) October 25, 2021

We were told that 'the package' came with freak election, so people should be more careful what they wish for... :https://t.co/OrHPWPwrYe #Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) May 23, 2022

Rochester : Ah... I believe that the noise that you heard would probably have been made by Grey Spool...

Eyre : What is this : Mission Impossible meets Krapp's Last Tape ?https://t.co/9VV4QQMBss #Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) January 24, 2023

'What sort of name is Grace Poole ?

'It sounds like something out of Krapp's Last Tape !'#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) July 3, 2022

The Grey Twos#Homophones https://t.co/ORIPdtd4WW
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) April 4, 2021

In Trigonometry Corner :

'Here's looking at Euclid !'#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) February 22, 2021

If - even from context - someone can't determine which of these you're saying, your voice could replace those automated announcements on train-services :

'Hi, Dan !'

'Hide, Anne !'#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) May 23, 2023

* Two centuries before The Truman Show (1998). pic.twitter.com/zYDggQT1ks
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) June 2, 2022

Of course, of course, if you know of The Medusa Frequency (and a guy called Hermann Orff, sitting at his computer), it's all a bit not only 'Wakey-wakey, Neo !' from the dream of one's life, but also (though not an olive tree, but Nanoak*) rather Persephone, etc.

* #Homophones https://t.co/YybROsAytI
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) November 3, 2021

'Yes, but I still think that a better name for the band would have been Manic Sea Creatures...'#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) June 8, 2022

Z : See, that infection that you've got is, as always, caused by microbes !

A : Yeah, but *who is* this Mr Robes - in the circumstances, I'm not going to demean myself and use a more familiar name ! - and what's he got to do with it ?#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) November 29, 2023

'Oh, I study micro-plastics.'

'Funny name for a crow...'

'?'

'But maybe Plastics is malleable - bendy, rather than brittle ?'

'? ! ?'#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) December 12, 2021

Apparently, this dish needs my crow, waving... ?#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) December 11, 2021

D'you wanna mint spy ?

Nah, and Burgess told me off for using that brand of toothpaste...#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) December 23, 2022

Without attempting a photograph :

The brightness of The Moon ! :)#MissSelene #Homophones #OneLovelyThingToDay
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) September 17, 2021

Who can easily forget John Steinbeck's tale of German porcelain-makers ? :

Of Meissen Men#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) May 5, 2023

'What d'you mean by asking for the secret of mice excess ?

'I'm this country's leading novelist, not an underwriter for rodents !'#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) March 2, 2023

'Oh, are you yawning, again ?

'I always bore you, Gnome Alice...'#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) June 17, 2022

'(Hesitantly.) Hello ? (Pause. More volume.) I'm here with the leaflets !'

'(Appearing.) Excellent news - Pam Flett told me to expect you ! You must be Tom.'

'Yes, I would be - but, in the event, Tom couldn't make it. I'm Dick.'#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) September 16, 2021

A : How can you be so sure that eBay approves of you ?

C : Oh, I got a PayPal blessing...#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) February 5, 2021

C : I catch you, going through my things, and you were laughing, singing to yourself and dancing around - what's going on ?

A : Well, it's just that pry merrily is something that you're always saying !#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) January 17, 2023

C : On what basis, then, do you care to suggest that 'My Way' isn't about someone with a secret penchant for boulangerie ?

A : Sorry... ? !

C : You know ! Those lines 'Baguettes, I've had a few. But, then again, too few to mention' ?#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) August 6, 2022

Rose Ate A Stone#DoctorWho #Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) September 10, 2022

And sautéed bed ! ~ Tracey Pepys, gourmand manquée#AllABitOurFriendsInTheNorth #Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) November 1, 2021

Well, it had to be...

Unless Sibelius had a brother who ghost-wrote some of his compositions - a sort of Sib alias ? ;)#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) December 9, 2021

The home-page at https://t.co/cmWvxfPtVz says 'Crypto with PayPal is here' :

Crypto through the tulips, anyone ? ;)#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) September 22, 2021

Turkey doubt is very far from being an unreasonable suspicion to entertain ! ;)#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) December 30, 2021

C : (Frustrated and apologetic.) Ach, I'm so sorry - I've done it *again* !

A : Never mind - we've all done that.

C : (Confused.) Weevil... ?#Homophones
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) October 25, 2021

Unless stated otherwise, all films reviewed were screened at Festival Central (Arts Picturehouse, Cambridge)

Unofficial Cambridge Film Festival [#UCFF]

Tuesday, 6 September 2022

#TrueMastersMisnameMovies and wilfully #MisunderstandingFilmTropes : Yet another accreting collection à la #Spoonerisms, #Homophones, #CrapAdverts... ! ?

Friday, 5 February 2021

More #Homophones (or near-misses) than in a PayPal Bull !

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