More views of - or before - Cambridge Film Festival 2019 (17 to 24 October)
(Click here to go directly to the Festival web-site)
2 July
Maybe it's meant to function as click*-bait, but this really isn't a good visual image to conjure :
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) August 10, 2024
'Waves of blood flooding your penis to-night'
* Or cock.#CrapAdverts
To work as click-bait, head-line claims have to get you wanting to click... but are these just too fanciful... ?#CrapAdverts pic.twitter.com/PH9sDmz5jO
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) July 29, 2024
Now with all the allure, let alone the authority or credentials, of the pre-ironic Ladybird-books, The Teledrone has resorted to this sort of nonsensical copy as 'content'...#CrapAdverts pic.twitter.com/6L68lVCCeT
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) July 24, 2024
Not even a pretence of 'a story', though, as the link takes us straight through to whatever Professional Immigration Consultants of Canada have to say... :https://t.co/2urVCk4Nk1
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) July 14, 2024
The story (i.e. advertising-feature), headed the same, is here :https://t.co/BTWRuczfBO
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) July 9, 2024
2 / 2
If you can, construe the contradiction as amounting to a problem :
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) July 6, 2024
Where to buy the bag that's everywhere#CrapAdverts pic.twitter.com/zbxSMjl5xq
'Are you looking... at *me* ?'
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) June 5, 2024
A piece of clickbait, to confuse us whether the person staring us downishly - the expression's hard to characterize - is an aggrieved customer, a customer's representative, a bailiff who's grabbed the keys to the motor or a seller !#CrapAdverts ? pic.twitter.com/eOQHzjxzgJ
Depends, really, what's being advertised (other than sun- or summer-dresses and sandals) ? ;)#MaeWestKnows#CrapAdverts ? pic.twitter.com/ydj6EeHE3j
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) June 1, 2024
² That could be an apt observation, one also imagines.
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) May 29, 2024
According to Arkwright ? ;)
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) May 10, 2024
** Or, is it, unbeatable ?
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) May 10, 2024
Maybe 'The best meat-balls south of The Clyde' ?
Who Knows !
Well, let's say that it's all part of trying to make a buck (or not making one ?) ! pic.twitter.com/bgLlbBWRvc
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) March 11, 2024
If a knee-sleeve were, as the uninvited advert suggests, 'ground-breaking', wouldn't one have fallen v. heavily ?#CrapAdverts
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) March 9, 2024
If they *thought* that 'prosthetic' was a better buzz-word (than 'prostate'), or that different ages would attract more attention, be sure that the same tips about paper-clips, knitting-needles, knotting or clamping would suddenly be applicable...#CrapAdverts pic.twitter.com/TpvMJ33AJQ
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) February 10, 2024
Sadly, this fuel-company - whatever one thinks of heating oil, etc. - also can't spell...#CrapAdverts pic.twitter.com/8UiVv8JRqb
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) January 5, 2024
'The human brain holds a lot of [pieces of information ?], most of them [sic] are from what we learned in grade school'
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) December 27, 2023
1) Any science behind this Homo sapiens exceptionalism [even if other creatures don't attend schools] ?
2) Do learn grammar at grade school !#CrapAdverts https://t.co/bKOwoCCCfD
Er, I think that he thinks that we'll think that this trashy video :
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) December 27, 2023
1) Isn't worse than Johnson's 'oven-ready deal' thing that won him* 12/12/2019,
2) Any other Sunak cringe-moments, and
3) Depicts a hard-working mensch-of-a-guy, with his sleeves rolled up, saving us all !
To #UCFF, this as easily resembles a promotional video for a container-port...#CrapAdverts https://t.co/DUViPOYSVF
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) November 24, 2023
Even in context, Cypher (Joe Pantoliano) knows that the steak that he's about to taste isn't real :https://t.co/PavsEITtqH
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) November 16, 2023
Maybe not such a good choice of clip - unless whoever places orders through you is genuinely indifferent whether the food exists... ? ;)
Seems like it's Bound for #CrapAdverts... pic.twitter.com/PllC5m5Ucm
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) November 16, 2023
Well !
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) November 4, 2023
For parents who don't think it through or even want their children to be like those dogs that lick everything in sight...
Best used for gifts between adults, I guess ?#CrapAdverts- https://t.co/rjxR9c7HnF
If it's this best-seller 'on Amazon', surely no one's going to be much surprised that it's 'on sale right now', are they... ? ;)#CrapAdverts pic.twitter.com/6GSUzgjXWv
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) September 5, 2023
Not for the first time, one's unsure of claims about the product's USP, but, here, it may be :
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) September 5, 2023
a) One's luggage hovers in the green countryside,
b) Spectral birds of the air venerate it, and
c) It creates a similarly curious map-outline around a nearby tree ?#CrapAdverts pic.twitter.com/L6M4cE7UiM
This time :
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) August 16, 2023
1) As when strangers call you by name, after a conference, because you're still wearing your badge but
2) With 'the benefit' that people are also craning *their* neck to stare at your chest#AlwaysOnDuty
Same old grim-sounding slogan...#CrapAdverts https://t.co/nRDq205r3n
#CrapAdverts pic.twitter.com/qyhQyujHBg
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) August 11, 2023
Even if it were 'For the woman *in* my life', someone would 'get it in the neck' for writing such a fatuous birthday greeting ! :)#CrapAdverts https://t.co/HnztBF9sOG
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) August 4, 2023
What if I'm not called Daniel (and she's not Sophie) ? ;)
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) July 26, 2023
Plus 'From your heart to her neck' ? ! https://t.co/GBzRuHXS8j
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) July 26, 2023
By far your strangest image yet !#CrapAdverts https://t.co/b34yTRXYwN
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) July 24, 2023
The backpack of the future is here. 🌌
— Nordace (@NordaceOfficial) June 26, 2023
It’s surreal how it combines an innovative design with pockets for organization 💻, RFID protection 💳 & USB charging port 🔋. But it is real, and it can be yours!
No doubt this is *intended to be* a promise of excellence and satisfaction...
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) July 13, 2023
But could it also be read differently - as a veiled threat... ?
[Certainly, leaving the special item unattended at what looks like Versailles might guarantee not seeing it again !]#CrapAdverts pic.twitter.com/jRgqs57mFX
They're right, you know - no ordinary pair of shoes visits the beach on its own to see a fossilized pork pie ! pic.twitter.com/SfeJwcHoL7
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) July 7, 2023
Does anyone really equate a pulsating ninja triffid on speed with the tranquillity that most people seek in a garden ? ;)#CrapAdverts https://t.co/mJVmPb9tCp
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) June 30, 2023
Now using the phrase twice on their sign-in page*, HSBC really do think that one can grow money** - but not on trees... ?
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) June 25, 2023
* At : https://t.co/9EgpAMBO0U.
** The head-line has long read as if one plans money and then grows it - a bit like designing a garden ?#CrapAdverts pic.twitter.com/bHo0Yx8zP7
Only maybe more useful, if your name is, er, Simon ? ;)#CrapAdverts pic.twitter.com/mjbyKGfpd8
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) June 7, 2023
Sitting on the floor, grinning at a pizza amidst one's removal-boxes, is HSBC's idea of treating one's self :
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) May 31, 2023
'Enjoy a £30 eGift Card when you buy combined buildings and contents insurance with us by 12 June 2023' pic.twitter.com/5UufXeuzyd
Shot on the set for an adaptation of Elias Canetti's novel Die Blendung ? pic.twitter.com/P5q3FOavoy
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) January 4, 2023
Clearly, not a head-line written by a speaker of British English :
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) September 11, 2022
The corgis will win ! ;)#SpamFolderTreasures, etc. pic.twitter.com/7AHmvIvTfI
How many people are gonna look... ? ;)#ClickbaitPredictions#CrapAdverts pic.twitter.com/wgfsSGXntf
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) September 11, 2022
Who is is tweeting from this account? The language is so odd and intemperate. https://t.co/PNNYu1Uuri
— Matthew Sweet (@DrMatthewSweet) September 4, 2022
The worth of a person does *not* consist in the abundance of that person's possessions ?
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) September 2, 2022
[Vincent van Gogh is a Very Poor Choice for this exercise in monetization !] https://t.co/ypIqfdtB9Q
'Crazy Manhood "Twist" Makes It 48% Bigger' :
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) August 18, 2022
Those who try *may be* Frequent Flyers at A&E...#SpamFolderTreasures#CrapAdverts
One hopes that the research reads better than that sentence, if it's meant to get people interested ! https://t.co/Cunr5tinrU
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) August 14, 2022
Also, more prominently, seems to show a pillow ? ;)
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) August 3, 2022
Already added to #UCFF at '#CrapAdverts : #SpamFolderTreasures and the like' :https://t.co/WmBxDxqx1v
Choice pickings from the Spam folder ! :
— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) July 2, 2022
'Apsley, find out how much weight you can probably lose'
Where, if one doesn't know the language, one's tempting e-mail ends up being too candid...#SpamFolderTreasures
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Unless stated otherwise, all films reviewed were screened at Festival Central (Arts Picturehouse, Cambridge)
