The Invented Quotations [and Ascriptions] : A Compendium (in 'author' order)

The Invented Quotations [and Ascriptions] : A Compendium

More views of - or before - Cambridge Film Festival 2019 (17 to 24 October)
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20 September

The Invented Quotations [and Ascriptions] : A Compendium (in 'author' order)

Invent the riposte, and attribute it to Jean Harlow, Joan Rivers, Tony Curtis, Walter Matthau, etc.*, as you see fit ! ;)#YouAreMakingUpYourOwnJokesNow - literally

* Though unlikely, perhaps, that *all of them* worked on the gag ? Unless... : https://t.co/OL1fPtbVBe

2 / 2

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) February 15, 2021

Very probably, there *is* a special place reserved in Hell for those who assert that such a place is reserved for those who trivially annoy their sensibilities with, say, how they eat their food in company ~ Dante Alighieri

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) December 1, 2023

The only thing that astounds me more than your lack of sincerity is your sincere and deep indifference to its easily being found out ~ Arthur Conan Doyle

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) September 20, 2021

As Rimsky once remarked, it may be that the best of Pyotr Ilyich's symphonic writing is not to be found in his Symphonies ~ Leonard Bernstein https://t.co/EAof8ySLSK

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) July 1, 2022

The first demotic record, in English, of what appears to have been a lunar eclipse suggests that witnessing it may have given rise to some strange - not to say wildly transgressive - behaviour ! ~ G. K. Chestertonhttps://t.co/S3N84U2KMp

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) July 29, 2023

If ever the claimed good intentions behind the objects of a charitable institution come under sorry scrutiny, 'tis oddly most likely in the particulars of how it gainfully offers employment to those who are - or are entitled to be - its stated beneficiaries ~ Benjamin Franklin

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) September 22, 2021

A plain penguin is no match for a fancy penguin, but a pretty penguin surpasses all ~ John Gielgud

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) February 12, 2022

Deceit is an unnecessary, but frequently present, part of political and public life ~ Thomas Hardy

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) September 30, 2022

An examined life may still not be a life will led, but it has more chance of being so than one left unexamined ~ Henrik Ibsen

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) November 2, 2023

If one is but kind to London, see how it does, indeed, reciprocate ~ Samuel Johnson

If you are called Jonson, it shouldn't be spelt Johnson ~ Ben Jonson

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) July 14, 2020

Love-apples, Hodge ? They are but an riotous fruit ! ~ Samuel Johnson

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) March 13, 2023

When a man is tired of London, he may use his One-Day Travelcard to go home again ~ Ben Jonson

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) August 2, 2021

Toasted Bagels and a Bath at Noon would make an excellent title for one's memoirs ~ Serge Koussevitzky

Discuss.

How would you answer differ, if you had :

1) Read Oblomov (1859), by Ivan Goncharov ? and / or

2) Been an author who had been compared to its titular head ?

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) January 21, 2024

Might being attentive and seeking not to be inauthentic be - or seem to be - all that one needs do in life ? ~ Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) January 1, 2024

A cheery face, even if it's but a chimæra of one's own construing, can still be a comfort ~ Peter Lorre#OneLovelyThingToDay pic.twitter.com/CbnuZDxial

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) August 23, 2023

Parties are, generally, to be endured, forgotten, or recalled unbidden, and with the accompanying cold sweat ~ Walter Matthau

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) September 5, 2021

As LBJ privately told JFK, it's these kids who are low-achievers - objectively considering the advantages that they've already had in life - but think that they can sort out everyone else's lives who are the problem ~ Henry Miller

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) October 9, 2021

Brinkmanship simply has no meaning when everyone has now seen your hand (which they anyway knew had nothing in it) ~ Montaigne https://t.co/D3uAZUn8bF

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) October 9, 2021

The decline of standards in public life or politics is epitomized by this analogy : a fresh turd on a packed coach whose windows won't open, but with passengers who all seem to have lost their sense of smell ~ Malcolm Muggeridge

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) June 9, 2023

Whatever set-backs there may have been, some will turn out to be blessings in disguise - and blessings are always worth being grateful for ! ~ Novalis

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) February 12, 2023

Through the words of Bond, his soulless creature, Fleming tried to persuade us that he had known, but rejected, the pleasures of longer immersion in hot water :

One can barely credit that the man had ever been run, let alone taken, a bath worth the having. ~ Flann O'Brien

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) January 12, 2022

I 'love' about the writing of Henry James that beyond the middle of The Golden Bowl, for example, one can be sure that the pair of leading characters *must have* had sexual relations, but, even by re-reading the likely chapter, one can never work out where ~ S. J. Perelman

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) January 17, 2021

When 'being sporty', it is essential to wear sporty clothes : if not, people may not think that you're serious about it, or, even worse, realize that that's what you're doing ~ Stephen Potter [a paraphrase]

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) May 17, 2023

More than the question whether the sex act itself is ridiculous or demeaning is the matter of all the things that the sexes do to achieve, adulterate or avoid it ~ Joan Rivers

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) August 1, 2021

Although, despite the frost,
The Night Sky was not
Crisply - not so sharply -
Defin'd, 'twas to me
Comfort to look - and see.

Alfred, Lord Tennyson#OneLovelyThingToDay

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) January 5, 2022

A plain deal table - and, maybe, a plate of tepid tapioca - is all that any of us needs ~ Mark Twain pic.twitter.com/v56rbohGn8

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) January 19, 2020

Poor people are just rich people who don't have any money ~ Mark Twain

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) April 3, 2021

Cromer Delicacies [according to Mark Twain*] :

Jellied adder's tail or marinaded Jersey-herd udder

* Allegedly.

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) June 9, 2023

If a person kisses a fish, the person may be happy, but the fish will not be ~ Voltaire

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) October 9, 2021

'Even with the sound off, the stench both of the finger-wagging and from the hideous assurance that comes from having so much capital that one can spout fantasies* makes me hasten to beckon the servant with the bucket and refreshing lemon-infused towel !' ~ Evelyn Waugh

1 / 2

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) September 14, 2022

I prefer arm-rests to arm-wrestling, but I don't like either very much ~ John Wayne

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) November 6, 2023

Oh, but I procure *all* mes parfums, my dear, through the caring offices of Boddle & Shrike - don't you ? ~ Oscar Wilde

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) March 11, 2023

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Unless stated otherwise, all films reviewed were screened at Festival Central (Arts Picturehouse, Cambridge)

Notes on Nomadland (2020)

Notes on Nomadland (2020)

More views of - or before - Cambridge Film Festival 2019 (17 to 24 October)
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1 August

Notes on Nomadland (2020)

Weight for weight, Mullan's performance was better, for McDormand too often simply looked Determined, Frightened or Contented, and - possibly dictated by the needs of non-professional cast ? - was hardly in a frame with a character until David Strathairn's (i.e. reaction-shots).

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) August 1, 2021

img Whatever else may have been nominated, if Frances McDormand in Nomadland (2020) could merit Best Picture in The Academy Awards or Best Film in The BAFTAs, then so did Peter Mullan in Hector (2015), except that it wasn't even in contention.







































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Unless stated otherwise, all films reviewed were screened at Festival Central (Arts Picturehouse, Cambridge)

The Costa confusions (work in progress)

The Costa confusions (work in progress)

More views of - or before - Cambridge Film Festival 2019 (17 to 24 October)
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14 September

The Costa confusions (work in progress)

There was a chance, this afternoon, to snap evidence of the continued existence of this radical form of incoherence, seemingly perpetuated in English-speaking countries as if the writer(s) of the text betrayed having spoken the language in earnest :

1 / 3 pic.twitter.com/jaUeWGfiTE

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) September 15, 2021

M. C. Escher would be delighted, as might J. K. Rowling - with the case of Harry, seeing himself and his patronus in The Prisoner of Azkaban, and mistaking them for his father and his, thereby bringing about a change in his own behaviour (for which he is the origin)...

3 / 3 pic.twitter.com/wsMMjo9zMH

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) September 15, 2021

Th'Agent humbly suggests a re-write :

WARNING

This pull-cord allows a disabled person to activate an alarm to call help :

On hearing the alarm, staff will immediately enter the toilet to assist with the emergency https://t.co/mEGN1VrypY

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) September 15, 2021

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Unless stated otherwise, all films reviewed were screened at Festival Central (Arts Picturehouse, Cambridge)

Aidan Shingler, collecting, and finding some things (valuable), but ignoring others wholescale

Aidan Shingler, collecting, and finding some things (valuable), but ignoring others wholescale

More views of - or before - Cambridge Film Festival 2019 (17 to 24 October)
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10 September

Aidan Shingler, collecting, and finding some things (valuable), but ignoring others wholescale

When psychiatrists and other interested persons¹ say xyz's 'symptomatic of this type of case', it's a circular argument² :

To patients, it may sound as if all they experience just gets added to a roof-space repository of diagnoses where Rochester's wife is meant to stay.#attic

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) September 10, 2021

² On a surgical ward, there might be links in background, diet, phenotype that give rise more regularly to operation A via condition B.

Psychiatrists see many people who've been in collisions, but, though operating in an emergency, ignore it all for their chosen similarities³.

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) September 11, 2021

³ Aidan Shingler's powerful show in Durham Cathedral in the late 1990s exerted traction by pointing out a parallel in lepidopterology (the desire to collect specimens), as referenced here :https://t.co/FTnqiUYxPvhttps://t.co/9nDRWhPxxE

Beyond Reason ~ ISBN 9780953882106.

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) September 11, 2021

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Unless stated otherwise, all films reviewed were screened at Festival Central (Arts Picturehouse, Cambridge)

Enchanted, again, by Charade (1963)

Enchanted, again, by Charade (1963)

More views of - or before - Cambridge Film Festival 2019 (17 to 24 October)
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28 August

Enchanted, again, by Charade (1963)

You're allowed to kiss back.
Oh, no. The doctor said it was bad for my... thermostat.
(They kiss.)
Well, when you come on, you come on, don't you ? !
Well... *come on* !#AllTheSharpDialogue

Reggie / Adam

7 / 8

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) August 29, 2021

Is there a *Mrs* Canfield ?
Yes, but (Together.) we're divorced.
That's right. Now, go and eat your dinner.
Oh, I could eat a horse.
I think that's what you ordered.#AllTheSharpDialogue

Reggie / Adam (previously Alex)

5 / 8

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) August 29, 2021

Is there a Mrs Dyle ?
Yes. (Pause.) But we're divorced.
I thought that was Peter Joshua.
I'm just as difficult to live with as he was.#AllTheSharpDialogue

Reggie / Alex

3 / 8

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) August 29, 2021

Here you are !
Where ?
On the street, where you live.
How about once more around the park ?
How about getting out of here ? Come on, child – out !#AllTheSharpDialogue

Reggie / Peter

1 / 8

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) August 29, 2021

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Unless stated otherwise, all films reviewed were screened at Festival Central (Arts Picturehouse, Cambridge)

Does Linux duty disappoint ?

By Tweet : Does Linux duty disappoint ?

More views of - or before - Cambridge Film Festival 2019 (17 to 24 October)
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3 May

By Tweet : Does Linux duty disappoint ?

Oh, I see...

[Did wonder what the fuss could be about #LinuxDuty; !]#Lineofduty#Homophones

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) May 2, 2021

Wouldn't one question* suffice ?#LinuxDuty#Lineofduty

* Maybe two. pic.twitter.com/TNlVTqTQ3q

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) May 3, 2021

For those decrying the 'journey' - if, and even if, they don't jump ship - taken with #Lineofduty;, they might take solace that one obvious entry point for Kill Bill, Volume 3, is that what the preceding Volumes have told us about Pai Mei's teaching* may be hooey... ?#LinuxDuty; https://t.co/QMLztniJxa; pic.twitter.com/p9xussi1mw

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) May 3, 2021

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Unless stated otherwise, all films reviewed were screened at Festival Central (Arts Picturehouse, Cambridge)

The #GratuitousLineFromShakespeare Tweets

The #GratuitousLineFromShakespeare Tweets

More views of - or before - Cambridge Film Festival 2019 (17 to 24 October)
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15 April

The #GratuitousLineFromShakespeare Tweets

Except that it's been in Th'Agent's mind for (on and - largely - off) c. a week, here's to-day's #GratuitousLineFromShakespeare* :

'Make me not sighted like the basilisk'

* Sparing anyone the inexactitude of the remembering (none on this occasion !), by finding (some) text...

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) April 15, 2021

[...] Perseverance, dear my lord,
Keeps honour bright [...]#GratuitousLineFromShakespeare

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) April 19, 2021

[...] Out, vile jelly !
Where is thy lustre now ?#GratuitousLineFromShakespeare

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) September 13, 2021

Cry, Trojans, cry ! lend me ten thousand eyes,
And I will fill them with prophetic tears.
[...]
Cry, Trojans, cry ! practise your eyes with tears !
Troy must not be, nor goodly Ilion stand ;
* Our firebrand brother, Paris, burns us all !*#GratuitousLineFromShakespeare

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) September 13, 2021

Banquo : How goes the night, boy ?

Fleance : The moon is down ; I have not heard the clock.#GratuitousLineFromShakespeare

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) September 21, 2021

'[...] it was
thought she was a woman and was turned into a cold
fish for she would not exchange flesh with one that
loved her : the ballad is very pitiful and as true.'#GratuitousLineFromShakespeare

For what seems a ponderous take here, read :https://t.co/8nXZMyMycT

2 / 2

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) October 9, 2021

The Thane of Cawdor lives. Why do you dress me
In borrowed robes ?#GratuitousLineFromShakespeare

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) October 13, 2021

[... 'T]is a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd.

That soliloquy !

A heckuva lot of ground that's being raced through, *as if* in Real Time. Why ?

Is Leontes, really a sort of pastiche of jealousy (?), no more or less plausible (Act I, Scene 7) ?#GratuitousLineFromShakespeare

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) October 30, 2021

I'm sure that it's Anathema, Heresy and Sacrilege to say it, but a canter through morality, ethics and personal morals / mores if one likens it to, say, 'Paradise Lost' (12 Books) + 'Paradise Regained' (another 4), or even Macbeth's hesitation soliloquy ?https://t.co/yNfBJczg3p https://t.co/bq8hm7xdT5

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) October 30, 2021

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Four Tweets about 'the cost' of being addicted to gambling

Four Tweets about 'the cost' of being addicted to gambling

More views of - or before - Cambridge Film Festival 2019 (17 to 24 October)
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7 April

Four Tweets about 'the cost' of being addicted to gambling

With the default being that Internet users have *to turn off* personalized advertisements, then, yes, their data will be used against them to target them with ones that will be attractive or tempting to them. https://t.co/rI2bBK9qb6

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) April 6, 2021

One of those so-called principles of 'the polluter pays', which, according to other principles, would require the odds of winning to become slightly more against the player, so that the polluter can accommodate the 'costs of doing business', both as a principle and as benefactor. https://t.co/r46sDVIJFe

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) April 6, 2021

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Unless stated otherwise, all films reviewed were screened at Festival Central (Arts Picturehouse, Cambridge)

Crap adverts of 2021

Crap adverts of 2021

More views of - or before - Cambridge Film Festival 2019 (17 to 24 October)
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9 March

Crap adverts of 2021

Those pictured need to agree :

* On a dress code, and not to drink flat fizz

* Whether this - despite that convenient flood of light to try to expunge the background - is an outdoor gig

* To meet where there's a decent fence that's not backing onto Sellafield or Ferrybridge https://t.co/jioq4gPMlT

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) March 9, 2021

#UCFF re-processed the image in Windows Live Photo Gallery, just by dropping all four bars to adjust the exposure to zero (except for brightness, which is not full reduced) ! :

But, just forgetting the urgency of the hands that emerge from the screen, why would anyone's laptop space look *like that* ?

With that murky liquid, behind the sun-glasses, and contained in a strange vessel... ?

2 / 2

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) April 6, 2021

'(1) Zero worries with Visa’s Zero Liability.

'(2) T&Cs apply.'

So it's called 'Zero Liability'* in (1), but (2) then shouldn't be needed, because the Liability is stated to be Zero, and then terms and conditions can only resile from that ! ;)

* Er, whose ?

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) April 19, 2021

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Unless stated otherwise, all films reviewed were screened at Festival Central (Arts Picturehouse, Cambridge)

Re Teachers' Pension Scheme and seeking early retirement : A letter template to set the ball rolling (aiming for the last day of the academic year)

Re Teachers' Pension Scheme and seeking early retirement : A letter template to set the ball rolling

More views of - or before - Cambridge Film Festival 2019 (17 to 24 October)
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Re Teachers' Pension Scheme and seeking early retirement : A letter template to set the ball rolling (aiming for the last day of the academic year)

Please feel free to mould this drafting to your needs !



Hard copy to follow (first by e-mail)

[Date]


Dear [usual form of address for head, etc.]

I hope that you are well [and any other pleasantries].

I am writing to tell you that, partly because - at my time of life (I am [age] on [day and month] have decided that I should stand aside to give a new entrant to the teaching profession the opportunities that I have had, I desire to take early retirement :

What I am thinking of, subject to your agreement, is to finish my employment at [name of school] at the end of the academic year (i.e. [day and month] 20[ ]), and, in accordance with the provisions of the Teachers' Pension Scheme, to take my pension with effect from immediately after that date.


I should therefore be grateful if, by return, you would (a) acknowledge safe receipt of this correspondence, and (b) indicate, if you are in a position to do so then (or, if not, at some expected likely date), when you intend to give me a substantive reply. I look forward to hearing from you.

Meanwhile, and for the avoidance of doubt, you will see that I am posting a copy of the contents of this e-mail, set out as a printed letter, by Royal Mail's [Signed For / First Class 48h] service.


Yours sincerely




Vapour Rub


ENDS



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Unless stated otherwise, all films reviewed were screened at Festival Central (Arts Picturehouse, Cambridge)

Martin Scorsese : Dipping back into the best bits of Hitchcock / Truffaut (2015)

Martin Scorsese : Dipping back into the best bits of Hitchcock / Truffaut (2015)

More views of - or before - Cambridge Film Festival 2019 (17 to 24 October)
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16 February

Martin Scorsese : Dipping back into the best bits of Hitchcock / Truffaut (2015)

Of course - it's Scorsese on cinema* ! - that was brilliant ! :)

* Hitchock / Truffaut (2015), by Kent Jones, is worth watching for Scorsese's insight alone into Vertigo (1958) and Psycho (1960). [The DVD has a third long contribution, in its Extras.]

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) February 16, 2021

Reader, I didn't marry him¹ - but I did, naturally, then need to re-re-watch Martin Scorsese on Notorious² (1946) et al.³.

¹ 'NYC, this time of night ?' = too big a cab-fare...

² In Extras.

³ Not massively helped by mis-cued jump-points in the DVD chapter-menu, @Dogwoof !

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) February 17, 2021

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More #Homophones (or near-misses) than in a PayPal Bull !

More #Homophones (or near-misses) than in a PayPal Bull ! (An accreting collection)

More views of - or before - Cambridge Film Festival 2019 (17 to 24 October)
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4 February

More #Homophones (or near-misses) than in a PayPal Bull ! (An accreting collection)

'No, I *didn't* offer you "Darren's insalata" and some warmed "piffle"...#Homophones

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) April 22, 2024

'Of course, this isn't my real name, y'know ?'

'Oh it's not ? Well, what *is* your real name, then ?'

'It's Scrap - Miss Hidea Scrap !'

'Well, I doubt that anyone does... !'#LizzyBoots#Homophones

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) April 21, 2024

A : Well, as they say, Pride comes before offal.

C : Not in my dictionary, it doesn't - and anyway that's just tripe !#Homophones

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) April 1, 2024

A : A second Viennese whirl for you, vicar ?

C : Sadly, no, thank you. After Verklärte Nacht, Wozzeck and Langsamer Satz, the PCC told me to stop...

A : ? !#Homophones

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) March 24, 2024

Barrrreeeee - your sour deans are gettin' cold, again !

Tenuous #Homophones Part 37b

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) March 23, 2024

Also, the premise for Faith's character being called what he was ever seemed flimsy - could we not as easily imagine 'Budgie' being the result of subjecting 'Bad Guy' to sound-shift rules à la Grimm ? ;)

Tenuous #Homophones

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) March 21, 2024

Gonna join Albert's Quair ?#Homophones

2 / 2

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) January 17, 2024

The old 'what one thought someone asked for' game ? :

At a newsagent's, hearing that the previous customer said 'Oh, and a quarter of pear-drops, too', the ai-device wrongly gathered the curiously tear- (rather than pear- ?) shaped red or yellow sweets to be manna !#Homophones

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) January 17, 2024

Tuba honest, that one may not be v. noteworthy... ? ;)#Homophones

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) January 4, 2024

'Yes, I've heard of Mrs Dalloway... ?

'Isn't that one of those cream-of-strontium novels ?'#Homophones#Spoonerisms

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) September 21, 2023

'Sorry, sir, but no - we won't be visiting the Rhine.

'I assume that you didn't have read carefully enough before you booked, because this tour is called The Slime Maidens.'#Homophones

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) September 5, 2023

If only he did have just 'one support'...#Homophones pic.twitter.com/Kdd6NcP1Ni

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) August 8, 2023

Prosecutor : And you say, Mr Tree, that you knew that you were entitled to carry out dental work - despite having no training or qualifications - because it was your parents' wishes ?

Tree : Yes, that's right - why else would they have named me Dennis Tree ?#Homophones

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) July 20, 2023

For Dick, whose wit was in his tongue, was promised being three times Lord Mayor of London.

No such assurances are extended to Nadine who spouts bollocks.#Homophones

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) July 13, 2023

Lecturer : Now that we've finished a brief survey of British cinema, does anyone want to give an example of the features of a genre ?

David : Yes, I will. The defining charcteristic of a kneeling comedy is that one's earnestly praying that it will soon be over !#Homophones

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) July 11, 2023

C : Er, your name's Norman Debris... ?

A : No, like eating it.

C : ? !#Homophones

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) July 8, 2023

'No, you're right - as far as I know, too, neither the director, nor the actor of the same name, was in Alcatraz...'#Homophones

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) July 7, 2023

With their up-sales of wheel alignment (and so forth), Tyre & Exhaust Centres comprehensively wear you - if not your tread - down !#Homophones

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) June 25, 2023

Even if - however crudely - attempting to do so politely, asking poultry to grab a lady's shawl is still an offence against civility

'Chicken Caesar wrap, please !'

So is a fowl, illicitly watching Deborah Harry perform 'Rapture' (or just preparing for Christmas) !#Homophones

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) June 25, 2023

Wholly Holy Friday#Homophones

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) April 7, 2023

Unless it was written to celebrate some very good exam results, surely '4As Pavane' would be 'Paavaane'... ?https://t.co/NDNyY00AVq#Homophones

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) June 14, 2023

That bit in the film where the passenger in a hurry suddenly asks the cab-driver to pull over and wait... :

Why do they always talk about this guy called Demeter, and how would *that* keep him running anyway ?#MisunderstandingFilmTropes#Homophones

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) June 13, 2023

'Headache ?

'Tense, nervous headache ?

'Nothing works faster than Anne Boleyn !'#Homophones

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) June 9, 2022

Eliza : I've got an ocean what I'll do...

Just you wait, 'Enry 'Iggins !#Homophones

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) February 28, 2023

Me : Hi, Tim ! I've researched the costings that you wanted.

Tim : Oh, good. Tell me more !

Me : Well, they're not cheap, but - for this sort of client - spending a little more on a bear-park―

Tim : Sorry, did you say 'bear-park' ?

Me : Yes, the bear-park figures...

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) February 13, 2021

C : We're all goin' to the zoo, to-day - zoo, to-day ?

A : Regent's Park ? Linton ?

C : Whipsnade.

A : (Resists saying 'Oh, painful !') Banham, I say, Banham !#Homophones

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) October 26, 2021

I used to turn on, expecting to see John Noakes, Valerie Singleton and Peter Purves eating bloops, but it rarely happened...https://t.co/FhK3brrsQO

The opening shot, with the see-saw, is bizarre !#Homophones

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) May 17, 2023

'Sorry to do this, but I can't make it, after all - I've got cart-rubble !'#Homophones

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) February 23, 2021

C : Why are you not concerned that your curry seems to be waving its arms around and shouting ?

A : Well, it's really not important, you know, just a chicken cormorant.#Homophones

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) June 9, 2023

'My name isn't Chris, but, if I started a band, I'd call it Christopher and The Mums'#FlowerPower #Homophones

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) June 8, 2022

'Sit Adele on a high hill'#Homophones

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) April 24, 2021

She's hardly started, and many people - rightly - already wish that she'd take a Coffey break.#Homophones

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) September 16, 2022

'Let's all go on a date-rip to the coast !'#ModsAndRockers#Homophones

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) April 25, 2021

Julie added to 'More #Homophones (or near-misses) than in a PayPal Bull !' :https://t.co/dXlNJ1qDs2#Homophones https://t.co/BksfVUanyx

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) October 25, 2021

We were told that 'the package' came with freak election, so people should be more careful what they wish for... :https://t.co/OrHPWPwrYe#Homophones

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) May 23, 2022

Rochester : Ah... I believe that the noise that you heard would probably have been made by Grey Spool...

Eyre : What is this : Mission Impossible meets Krapp's Last Tape ?https://t.co/9VV4QQMBss#Homophones

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) January 24, 2023

'What sort of name is Grace Poole ?

'It sounds like something out of Krapp's Last Tape !'#Homophones

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) July 3, 2022

The Grey Twos#Homophones https://t.co/ORIPdtd4WW

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) April 4, 2021

In Trigonometry Corner :

'Here's looking at Euclid !'#Homophones

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) February 22, 2021

If - even from context - someone can't determine which of these you're saying, your voice could replace those automated announcements on train-services :

'Hi, Dan !'

'Hide, Anne !'#Homophones

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) May 23, 2023

* Two centuries before The Truman Show (1998). pic.twitter.com/zYDggQT1ks

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) June 2, 2022

Of course, of course, if you know of The Medusa Frequency (and a guy called Hermann Orff, sitting at his computer), it's all a bit not only 'Wakey-wakey, Neo !' from the dream of one's life, but also (though not an olive tree, but Nanoak*) rather Persephone, etc.

* #Homophones https://t.co/YybROsAytI

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) November 3, 2021

'Yes, but I still think that a better name for the band would have been Manic Sea Creatures...'#Homophones

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) June 8, 2022

Z : See, that infection that you've got is, as always, caused by microbes !

A : Yeah, but *who is* this Mr Robes - in the circumstances, I'm not going to demean myself and use a more familiar name ! - and what's he got to do with it ?#Homophones

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) November 29, 2023

'Oh, I study micro-plastics.'

'Funny name for a crow...'

'?'

'But maybe Plastics is malleable - bendy, rather than brittle ?'

'? ! ?'#Homophones

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) December 12, 2021

Apparently, this dish needs my crow, waving... ?#Homophones

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) December 11, 2021

D'you wanna mint spy ?

Nah, and Burgess told me off for using that brand of toothpaste...#Homophones

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) December 23, 2022

Without attempting a photograph :

The brightness of The Moon ! :)#MissSelene#Homophones#OneLovelyThingToDay

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) September 17, 2021

Who can easily forget John Steinbeck's tale of German porcelain-makers ? :

Of Meissen Men#Homophones

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) May 5, 2023

'What d'you mean by asking for the secret of mice excess ?

'I'm this country's leading novelist, not an underwriter for rodents !'#Homophones

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) March 2, 2023

'Oh, are you yawning, again ?

'I always bore you, Gnome Alice...'#Homophones

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) June 17, 2022

'(Hesitantly.) Hello ? (Pause. More volume.) I'm here with the leaflets !'

'(Appearing.) Excellent news - Pam Flett told me to expect you ! You must be Tom.'

'Yes, I would be - but, in the event, Tom couldn't make it. I'm Dick.'#Homophones

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) September 16, 2021

A : How can you be so sure that eBay approves of you ?

C : Oh, I got a PayPal blessing...#Homophones

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) February 5, 2021

C : I catch you, going through my things, and you were laughing, singing to yourself and dancing around - what's going on ?

A : Well, it's just that pry merrily is something that you're always saying !#Homophones

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) January 17, 2023

C : On what basis, then, do you care to suggest that 'My Way' isn't about someone with a secret penchant for boulangerie ?

A : Sorry... ? !

C : You know ! Those lines 'Baguettes, I've had a few. But, then again, too few to mention' ?#Homophones

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) August 6, 2022

Rose Ate A Stone#DoctorWho#Homophones

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) September 10, 2022

And sautéed bed ! ~ Tracey Pepys, gourmand manquée#AllABitOurFriendsInTheNorth#Homophones

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) November 1, 2021

Well, it had to be...

Unless Sibelius had a brother who ghost-wrote some of his compositions - a sort of Sib alias ? ;)#Homophones

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) December 9, 2021

The home-page at https://t.co/cmWvxfPtVz says 'Crypto with PayPal is here' :

Crypto through the tulips, anyone ? ;)#Homophones

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) September 22, 2021

Turkey doubt is very far from being an unreasonable suspicion to entertain ! ;)#Homophones

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) December 30, 2021

C : (Frustrated and apologetic.) Ach, I'm so sorry - I've done it *again* !

A : Never mind - we've all done that.

C : (Confused.) Weevil... ?#Homophones

— THE AGENT APSLEY #ScrapUniversalCredit #JC4PM2019 (@THEAGENTAPSLEY) October 25, 2021

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Unless stated otherwise, all films reviewed were screened at Festival Central (Arts Picturehouse, Cambridge)